A Heavy Heart

I had originally planned on blogging today about ways to be active with family and friends, along with some witty comments about how playing two-hand-touch football for a few hours in the park will make you feel so young at the time, and so old when the soreness sets in the next day, but it is an important day in sports. Today is a landmark day for both good and bad.

It is Jackie Robinson day. This marks the 66th anniversary of Jackie Robinson's first major league game. I was raised by a dad who loved sports, but the sports bond that he and I shared was baseball. Kansas City Royals Baseball. I love my boys in blue. Being as I grew up with the Kansas City baseball, my dad also taught me about the Monarchs, Jackie Robinson, and Buck O'Neil. Jackie Robinson was stepping out on the field and standing up to the senseless hatred that was segregation, and he did so long before the Montgomery Bus Boycott or Dr. King's moving speeches and rallies. He was the lone target of the hate, but a shinning light as to how we should all do what is right and live our best lives. If you want to learn more about Jackie Robinson, there are two movies that have been made to chronicle his rocky debut in MLB, and one of them, "42" is currently in theaters. This marks the good landmark day in sports.

Today is also a landmark day in sports that will be remembered as a terrible day. It was a landmark day for all the wrong reasons. A coward decided to make his mark on innocent people at the Boston Marathon. I had been pumped all day to find out who would win the race, and who would win out in the Flanagan vs. Goucher showdown. The first report I heard about the race was of the terrible incident that took place instead of finishing times and winners. I was shocked, then sickened, then angered, and now the cycle just keeps repeating itself. I recently posted that running makes sense of the senseless by giving the runner a chance to sort through the nagging thoughts during a run, but this does not make sense.

The only thing I can do to feel better is to pray for the victims and their families. I have also found myself listing over and over the reasons why I run, and how empty I would feel if I could never run again. I know many of the injured were spectators, but that doesn't make the thought any less horrifying. I was originally dreading my run tomorrow morning because it is supposed to rain, but I will be running tomorrow morning rain or shine, and I will hold in my thoughts the victims, our country, and all the reasons listed below that keep me running.

I RUN

because I can.

to feel the sun on my back and the wind in my face.

to be a healthier person.

to feel like a kid again.

because it opens my eyes to who I am, not who others think I should be.

for an extra scoop of ice cream.

for pizza.

to donate to charities and causes I believe in, while also donating to myself.

because endorphins rock.

because it's cheaper than therapy.

to remind myself that I am worth the work it takes.

to fit into skinny jeans.

to admire the beauty of nature.

because it pushes me to be more than I think I can be.

to soul search.

for race shirts and bling.

to connect with family and friends.

because it is impossible to know which run will be the last run of my life.

because I can.

Runner's Rambles: We meet again, Schuykill Loop.

I am really going through one of those phases where it is blatantly obvious how much you really have to want to live a healthy lifestyle. Life can really get in the way sometimes. I really let the head race beat me last week because there was more than one day when I didn't even make it out the door for a run, and I only made it to the gym twice. Now, I did take some time out to spend an entire day walking all around Center City and Chinatown in Philadelphia with some friends, and that part of a healthy lifestyle is something I really enjoy.

I have also been reminded that it is so easy to choose unhealthy options when it comes to what I eat. I'm sort of in that, "when it rains, it pours" kind of stage, yet I am the one tipping the bucket that's pouring on my head. I have been squeezing in work outs, and even squeezing in this post just a couple sentences at a time, but I haven't been keeping myself accountable for what I am putting in my mouth. It just reinforces how important it is for me to prepare for the whole week ahead of time.

I forced myself to get in a little bit better workout this week by mapping a route to the gym that was long enough for me to get my full distance in only split in half. I also decided for our long run this weekend that Matt and I would take on The Loop again. I knew that after that crazy long run I wrote about before, and my lack of dedication would need a good solid run this weekend. I get somewhat annoyed by the traffic and whatnot when it comes to city running, so having a path just for pedestrians is very appealing to me. And I wanted another crack at The Loop.

This run wasn't much better time wise, but mentally it was a thousand times better! I had Matt with me the whole way, and I think the Forerunner helped too. I hate when I am running a route that I don't already know the markers on, or running a race that isn't marked. It was a beautiful day in Philadelphia, and I was able to get some sunshine on my face and some spring air in my lungs. I was a beautiful day for a run, and I can't wait for more spring running. Now next time, we will have to take on the "Rocky Steps" as well.

The Six Stages of Running

I have found that when running distances of 10k or longer, that there is a cycle of stages that a runner goes through mentally. It's sort of like sleep or grief. There are stages that you cycle through that may not all last the same amount of time, but they are all there even if other stages are longer. I convinced Matt to run my spring half with me this year, and I am so glad that he gave in. We just finished our first real milestone. Our long run was 7 miles, which is slightly more than half the race distance, so this is always an important run for me when it comes to my half training. As we ran today, I cycled through the stages of running, and I am just glad that Matt is still willing to run with me.

Stage 1: Excitement

Now, as you will find for most of these stages, there is some variation from person to person, and from run to run. Stage one tends to range from contentment to excitement. I was so happy that it was a beautiful 45 degrees with sun and only a few clouds, and Matt decided to take us on a route through the cute little neighborhoods around our borough that I love to look at, so I was pretty happy through the first two miles. We were even keeping a good pace, and Matt had to make me take it down a notch to ensure we would make it through all 7 miles. 

Stage 2: Reflection

In stage two it can be all different kinds of reflection. Sometimes I hone in on my form and breathing. Sometimes I think about life and the things that need to be worked out in my mind. Sometimes I just reflect on the beauty of nature while I run. I had no idea how beautiful nature is until I became a runner. Don't get me wrong, this kid isn't going camping anytime soon, but running gives you a new view at a slower pace to appreciate the world around you, which we rarely stop to do in our hustle and bustle society. My reflection and excitement mixed a little today as I ran. I was talking to the ducks on the pond we passed, and calling, "Here pishy, pishy, pishy!" at creeks as we jogged along. Matt was thoroughly embarrassed, but I was just happy to take it all in.

Stage 3: Annoyance

Ok, so if you have not read posts from when I first started my blog, take time to read this post about what it is like to run with Matt. I let him find our route, and I let him wear the Forerunner, so you can probably guess part of what helped stage 3 kick in. Matt was at the second or third unsure turn we made, when I suddenly became aware of the blisters forming on my feet, and then I almost had a heart attack when I was scared by a dog. We were passing a tall privacy fence when I suddenly heard the loudest bark coming from what I can only assume was the world's largest dog. I seriously jumped higher than I ever have before while simultaneously sprinting faster than I ever have in the opposite direction of the fence. Hello, stage 4!

Stage 4: Hatred

Stage 4 lasted much longer than I had hoped it would last. The only other time I remember stage 4 lasting this long was during the Joplin Memorial Run Half Debacle of 2012, when I really wanted to punch my Anything for 10 Sister, Grace, in the face for getting me in this mess in the first place. I didn't say that during the race, but as we all talked afterward, she told my brother and sister-in-law that she was scared at one point that I was going to hit her, so I am guessing it was clear anyway. Today's stage 4 was similar. We were still making wrong turns, and I started blurting out, "I hate you!" Yes, I convinced Matt to do this, yet I was breathlessly "yelling" at him. It progressed from there to the phrase, "I hate the world, right now," mixed with, "I hate everything." And as stage 4 dragged on, I ended up just saying, "I hate," mixed with whimpering. Yes, it was a rough one today.

Stage 5: Denial

Matt kept saying that denial was surely one of the stages of running, and I kept telling him that it wasn't. I realized later that he was right. (Matt, I don't want to hear any gloating about you always being right. Remember all those wrong turns?) As we were in the last mile of the run, my head kept telling me that I couldn't do it. I couldn't possibly keep going. And I breathlessly told Matt that I couldn't keep going, that I wasn't going to make it. He told me that I could. And I realized that although my brain was in denial about my ability to keep going, that my legs were in fact still moving. Stage 5 could be the hardest of all because it is easy to let stage 5 break you, but just let it go. It's your mind that is in denial and not your body.

Stage 6: Anticipation

Yes, once the run or race is finished, it doesn't necessarily matter how ugly it was, the runner is already anticipating the next race or run. The satisfaction of completing something that you set your mind to has a way of making you want more every time you realize how strong you really are.   Bring on week 6 of training!

Good Morning!

I am beyond pumped!! Today could not have had a better beginning. It would have been impossible. I woke up feeling well-rested before my alarm went off, which I love! I let Matt sleep in another 15 minutes while I got up to eat my pre-gym snack and get ready, and what did I hear? BIRDS!!! I had just thought to myself as I drug myself in from work, that maybe I just can't hear birds chirping in the morning now that I live in an apartment building, but I am so glad I was wrong. I absolutely love the first time I hear birds chirping in the morning each year. AND today is the first day of Spring! It is fate! I know that it is supposed to get cold and snow again this weekend, but for now I am going to revel in this glorious morning.

I started off with a great workout in the gym. I even did my abs, which I have been neglecting a little too much lately. I came home, had a small breakfast, watched an episode of Dance Moms (Guilty pleasure!), and then set out for a quick 3 miles. And let me tell you, I was booking it. I am not fast in the grand scheme of things, but for me, I was really pushing it today. My right shin was getting so tight by the 1.5 mile mark, that I didn't think I was going to make it at first, but I stretched quickly and walked it off, and I still had a faster 5k time than I have had so far this year. I was so glad to get in a good run because I just came off those terrible elliptical workouts last week. I have also had low energy so far this week, so it was great to finally break out of the fog I have been stuck in for two days straight.

When I got home, it just kept getting better. I checked my email, and I had my March Newsletter from the Delaware Marathon, and I had a race registration announcement from Bryn Mawr Racing Co. I really wanted to do the Midsummer Series last summer, but I didn't get to. They do three Thursday night races spread throughout the summer, and although my last Bryn Mawr racing experience was less than courteous to slow racers like me, I am still excited to do this series. I even signed Matt up to run with me. Hope he's as pumped as I am...hahaha! I should really just be glad he puts up with me. Thanks for sticking with me through all my craziness, running related and otherwise, Matthew!

Time to shut up and put up!

I have decided that there is no turning back at this point; I will not get back on the treadmill this season. Although the temperatures have plummeted again, I am adamant that Spring is here. Although Spring doesn't officially start till Wednesday, I am still annoyed that it snowed yesterday. I wasn't going to let it get me down. I put on double layers, zipped up my windbreaker, pulled my balaclava up over my nose, and I was ready to take on the roads. I looked fairly comical, but I was determined to run outdoors, and as I've warned before, you've gotta check your shame at the door, people!

I am the purple running ninja.

I was miserable from the first step out the door. I had shin splints today, and my face was burning from the wind despite my balaclava. I have a little charm on my shoe that reads, "Running for Grandma," to remind me when I get tired that I am dedicating my marathon this fall to my Grandma. I kept telling myself that my grandma went through things so much worse than running 6 miles in the cold, but then I clearly heard my grandma's voice in my head. I heard her saying, "Now Michelle, you just go on home." I only heard my grandma raise her voice in reprimand once in my entire life. (Of course directed at my brother, not me.) We always knew she meant business when she started a sentence with "now," so I went home.

I finished off my workout at the gym, but I still refused to get on the treadmill. I hopped on the elliptical with a fast paced playlist blaring through my headphones. My legs were screaming around 2.5 miles, and I wanted to stop again already, but I realized that a certain point you have to just shut up and put up. I decided to block out the voices in my head, and knock out the rest of my 6 miles. Sometimes it's the small victories that amount to the most in the long run, but one thing is for sure, I cannot wait for Spring to show up for good!

Spring Fever

Today's run was beautiful. I had one of those runs today that I look down at my watch and suddenly realize I've been running for an hour. I love getting lost in a run, and these days I really can get lost in a run. I got the Garmin Forerunner 410 for Christmas, and I love not having to map and memorize a route before I head out the door.

I haven been anxiously awaiting spring, and I was so happy to see the signs of spring all around. There is a slight chill in the air, the sun is shining, the birds are beginning to sing, the buds are popping up, and the fever is catching. Spring fever is running fever for me. I am so happy to be running outside because I am reminded of how much I love running. Sometimes when I am stuck on the dreadmill or fighting the biting cold or wet ground that comes with winter running, I forget how truly amazing it is.

Never in my life would I have pictured myself becoming a running junkie. I have also posted in the past that my family and friends never thought I would either, but I am so glad that running has transformed my life. Let me tell you, if you want to really learn something about yourself, then step outside, and go for a run. At first, you might be slow, maybe even out of breath and in pain. And some of us ::cough, cough:: ::me::  maybe couldn't even run a quarter of a mile before we stopped to walk when we first took up running, but I am now at the point where I can jump in to a half marathon training schedule two weeks late, and look down at my watch to suddenly realize that I have been running for an hour, and it is time to steer back home.

So, what have I learned so far in my journey as a runner? Nature is beautiful. Water tastes amazing. Pain is in fact temporary. Spandex is strangely my friend and not my enemy. A trash bag works just as well as any windbreaker jacket. It doesn't matter what other people think. I am strong. I am happy. I am determined. A pair of running shoes can make me feel way better about myself than a pair of heels. Moments should be cherished. And it's true that reaching your goals is often an issue of mind over matter.

Lee Ann Womack may hope that you dance, but I don't.

I hope you run. 

Runner's Rambles: Running Makes Sense

Sometimes, it's nice to just get lost in a run. Being outside, running, thinking. It's a release from the confines of the chaotic rush of our society. There are days when I blare music to fit whatever mood I'm in, or whatever problem I need to work out. There are times when I run tech-free, and I just get lost in retrospection. Sometimes I let my thoughts run wild, run out of my head. Then there are the times when I want something to really distract me from the thoughts of wanting to quit early in my run, so I listen to NPR podcasts. I love NPR because I love learning new things, and I can easily get lost in their programming. Podcasts and audiobooks are also great for running because there isn't an underlying beat, like when listening to music, so it doesn't throw off the pace of the run.

Today, I decided to listen to a podcast of This American Life as I ran. I listened to episode #488 Harper High School, Part 2. It was about gang violence, and how it affects students at Harper High School in the Englewood area of Chicago. As I ran, I couldn't help but think of kids I work with every day in one of the projects in West Philly. The thought of what so many kids sadly go through is another thing that pushed me on.

It seems odd that the troubles of another person push me on, but when I feel there isn't really any difference I can make in a situation, it is like running is there to give me a bit of a beating. It is something that I can make myself rise to and above the challenge of. I know that running is nothing compared to the struggles they face. I often think of my grandma and how she struggled with the loss of her mobility near the end of her life, and I ran then too. I was thousands of miles away, and what could I have done even if I was there? There was nothing that I could have done to give her back her mobility, and so I ran. I have a pendant on my shoe now that reads, "Running for Grandma." I know I need to push myself now, take advantage of my mobility now because I could lose it at anytime.

In my experience, running makes sense of the senseless, and when it can't, it at least gives me a distraction from the senseless. There are many things I don't understand in this world, but do I have to?