Ready for a challenge!

I have grown to appreciate Fall so much more with every passing year ever since I became a runner. I always say now that Fall is for runners. I love the absolute beauty of the world as it changes, and the weather is amazing for running. To kick off Fall this year, I am taking a different challenge on with my newest running buddy.

I cannot run YET. I am still waiting till the day when I will be able to run again, and I am SO looking forward to that day, but my postpartum journey has been very difficult thus far in recovering. I have lots of stitches, and unfortunately my body is "having an adverse reaction to the stitches similar to an allergic reaction." But no worries because he assured me "this really hardly ever happens! It's very rare!" His reassurance did not at all make me feel even a little bit better because it's supposedly super rare, but I get the joy of experiencing it. Yay! BUT my son is amazing, so I will get over it, and I keep telling myself that someday I won't be in pain anymore, and maybe I will even get a week where I am not in the doctor's office for one reason or another! I mean...I will heal eventually...right? right? It doesn't feel like it most days, but everyone has assured me that eventually I will heal. Eventually. But this keeps me from running until I have fully healed however long that will be.


So I have decided to join in the Hike it Baby 30 challenge for September with Huxley. Hike it Baby is a nonprofit group aimed at raising children who enjoy being outside, being active, and exploring the world. There are Hike it Baby chapters all over the US and the world. The Hike it Baby 30 challenge is a challenge to walk/hike 30 miles or more or to spend 30 minutes playing outside 3 times a week. Huxley and I have logged our first miles already on a HiB hike, but not all the miles have to be logged on HiB hikes. HiB is a group that is open to moms, dads, and caregivers who want to meet up with other parents/caregivers and their children to explore the outdoors.

Pregnancy Hormones: Emotional Hill Work

I have had a rough couple weeks since my shirts quit fitting, but it's more about my activity levels that are rough. I guess Mom Guilt can set in early, and I have had some experiences that have left me feeling defeated and some that have been super mood boosters!

I guess Mom Guilt has already set in for me because I feel like a terrible person anytime I leave Lucy at home instead of taking her with me for a walk. That has turned into just walking on the treadmill in the basement so she can stare at me while I walk. This has also led to issues for me when I do end up walking outside because I don't use the incline on the treadmill, so being outside in our hilly neighborhood sometimes sucks once I actually make it out the door. Matt has been helping me take Lucy for walks since I'm not really comfortable taking her alone at this point with her leash issues that have popped up. My stress levels go through the roof when she freaks out at the sight of another dog, and I am afraid of her accidentally hurting me again when she goes crazy jumping to try to get to other dogs. So I have to learn to get outside more on my own, and I will have to check my guilt at the door. Literally.

Pregnant Lady Favorites: Compression socks, Support belt, Hokas,
Nathan Insulated Hydroflask

I have had some great experiences lately and some that have left me feeling really defeated. I'm going to blame some of it on the hormones that have made me feel that way about everything for the past several months, and I will also blame them for causing me to start crying during a walk through my neighborhood while listening to an interview with Roberta "Bobbi" Gibb who was the first woman to run and finish the Boston Marathon, which she was only able to do because she bandit-ed the race in the first place. It has been rough transitioning from the treadmill to back outside because round ligament pain creeps up way more going up and down hills. On the super bright side, I remembered that I got a belly support belt when I thought I was going to be able to run more, and that has helped me to be more comfortable and excited about getting outdoors some more. The other downer recently was that I felt so great with the support belt and inspired by Bobbi Gibb that I decided to run again, and the sciatica has majorly flared up again. But I have a chiropractor appointment already on the books, so I guess I will ride my high from my tiny one mile run, and then try my hardest to refrain from getting too excited in the future because this sciatica is really not my favorite feeling in the world.

Post Run 27 Weeks
Mommy in Training!

The takeaway from the last couple weeks is that I am both excited and terrified. I have been nervous ever since I got pregnant that I would end up forgetting how much I love running and that I wouldn't make time for it after having a baby. The bright side is that I miss running so much, and I can't wait to be running again even if I am slower than slow. Running really helps me connect with nature, God, and myself. When I run, I am introspective and my heart is filled with gratitude. I like the person I am when I run much better than when I don't. Matt probably does too if we are being honest. The terrifying part is that I have extreme Mom Guilt from going out for a walk and leaving my DOG at home. Lucy is such a big deal in my life, but my son will be an even bigger deal, and how will I learn to check my Mom Guilt at the door when it comes to him? I'm not sure yet, but I will Let you know once I figure it out!

If you have not checked out the new podcast from
Runner's World, then you need to!
They've also got another one coming soon
called Human Race.

Runner's Rambles: Pregnant Rambles 2.0

So how have things been going this week? Well, I finally shared a full-on picture of my pregnant belly, which has brought an onslaught of body image issues again. I haven't seen my family in a few months, and I'm taking online classes this semester, so there are just a handful of friends who have seen me recently. This has been coupled with feelings of sadness that running for me throughout the rest of this pregnancy is not going to be the running I usually do in the Spring and Summer. There are STILL so many times that I don't really realize that I'm pregnant. It doesn't seem entirely real lots of days except for the limitations that I experience. It has just been such a bizarre experience so far, so let's just explore it a little today.

So body image issues have resurfaced full force. When I look in the mirror, I keep catching myself thinking, and sometimes saying aloud, "I wish I was skinny still." That is actually comical in itself because before I was pregnant, I have never in my WHOLE LIFE described myself as "skinny." Pre-pregnancy, I would probably describe my body as "not quite chubby." I was always sort of just slightly smaller than being described as a chubby, not fat, but chubby person. Now, I keep feeling like I am slacking off and just letting myself get "fat." I know deep down when I actually stop to really think about it that I am not "fat;"  I'm pregnant. It's just so hard for me to reconcile the reality with the thoughts that run though my head when I see myself. There's also the issue that I feel like I am HUGE for the stage I'm in. I know every body is different during pregnancy, but I just feel like I'm so much bigger than I should be at this stage. And then there's the fear that I will never be ok with my body again after giving birth, but I'm sure that's a journey I will share with you as it unfolds.

I just want to take a second to get out some more feelings about general pregnancy before I transition into my current pregnant running update. I know that I have done quite a bit of complaining about pregnancy. And I know that there are people who are angry with me for expressing my feelings so far. I get it. I do. I know that there are some women who desperately want a child, but cannot have biological children. I am very close with some women in that situation. I know some women have had miscarriages, and I am close with some women who have experienced that tragic loss as well. I am not in their situation, so I haven't felt that deep aching sorrow. At the same time, this is my journey. And I feel like I have a right to express my feelings and experience as well. Here's a big part of the reason for my being very vocal; I didn't really know anything about pregnancy! I thought I did! Turns out that I didn't. There have been some things that I've heard about from friends, family, and movies and whatnot, but there are SO MANY things that nobody ever actually gave a real picture of to me when I learned things about pregnancy over the years. And yes, every pregnancy is different. And YES, I have had it relatively easy when you consider some women are hospitalized for different reasons or put on long-term bed rest, but as I said, though I am thankful that I was able to conceive a child, and I have had relatively few issues so far, I still feel like I should be able to voice my experience, and maybe other women who hear my story will gain a few tidbits that nobody else shared with them, and they will feel better knowing they are not the only one to have that experience.

Last thing on general pregnancy: Why do we as a society feel the need to constantly tell pregnant women that they will "miss it," and "it's all worth it," and other similar phrases? Why isn't it ok to just tell someone, "yeah, that part sucks."And why are there so many men who will never be pregnant and women who have never been pregnant who feel the need to repeat those annoying phrases!? Also, I will let the world know if I change my mind, but I don't believe for one second that I will miss being pregnant. Seriously! Why? I love my child already, and I get that this is what it takes, and it doesn't mean I won't love my child just because I don't like being pregnant. The best analogy I can conjure up right now is that my husband HATES grad school. Will the reward be worth the suffering he is going through now? YES! Will he regret having a Master's degree? No. Will he look back one day and think, "Boy, grad school was so uncomfortable and miserable, and I really miss working nearly 50 hours a week AND going to grad school on top of that." I really don't think I'll ever hear him say that. Again, I get it. Not exactly the same, but isn't it possible that some women just don't enjoy pregnancy even though they love their children? I do believe they are not mutually exclusive.

Also, if one more person asks me about my future reproductive plans while I am STILL pregnant with the first one, then I might just seriously snap. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER ask a woman, man, or couple about their reproductive plans or situation unless you are their healthcare provider or entering into a serious relationship with the person. DON'T DO IT!!!! Why is that so hard for people to understand? Alright, I lied. That was one more thing beyond the last one. But just stop if you are one of those people. You never know what a person is going through, and IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!! If a person wants to talk about their reproductive choices or situation, then they will tell you. If they don't invite you into a conversation about it, then DON'T ASK!

Now let's talk about running briefly since I went on a pregnancy rant. But hey, I'm pregnant, so it happens. I made the mistake of continuing to take Lucy with me. She just gets so sad when she sees me getting ready and can tell I'm not getting her ready to go too. I feel so bad. I know that I need to start taking her out for just a regular walk and then do my "run" separately, but it is so hard to fit everything in some days. It is so frustrating as it continues to become more Spring-like, to go out to run and to end up having to do a lot of walking. And I am only going out for a mile at a time most days. In the past, I have actually felt uncomfortable calling myself a runner even though I've been running for a few years, I have a blog, I'm a lifetime member of Half Fanatics, I've completed a marathon, and I worked in a running store. I'm normally slow. I'm a back of the packer, so even though I talk about running all the time, I still never REALLY felt comfortable calling myself a runner. And even though running has been an integral part of my life for a few years now, I didn't really realize how much until I found myself in a place where it has become increasingly difficult to continue doing what I love. If I hadn't been so miserably sick during the first and part of the second trimester, then I think I would be in a different situation now, but it is what it is, and I think in the near future I will need to resign myself to being ok with walking. For now, I will just try to be thankful for what I can do even if it is EXTRA slow and filled with walk breaks.

That was a long one! Sorry!! 

Choosing a Running Partner

We both love the Spring weather!

Ok, so I know my posts have been a little bit of a downer in regards to my fitness levels and overall disposition when it comes to pregnancy. And while pregnancy is still not my favorite thing, I think that the winter weather and my yearly bought of SAD has had a little bit to do with my annoyance and grumbling. Obviously all the things about pregnancy that were awful, like 17 weeks of "morning" sickness and random but frequent nose bleeds, still remain unfortunate symptoms of pregnancy that I will NEVER look back on with fondness. However, we have had several days in a row of spring and almost summer-like weather, and it has been glorious for my mood and my activity levels!

I have been wondering when my energy would come back because I've heard that your energy gets back to a more normal level in the second trimester. Well, for me that is apparently at 19 weeks because I have been waking up before my alarm, getting quite a bit done around the house each day, going for either a run or a walk every day, and meeting or exceeding my step goal on my Vivofit! Yay!! I am loving it! I still go to bed early, and sometimes take a short nap in the afternoon, but I don't feel like a zombie all day long.

So, with all the running and walking that I have been getting in, what are the new things that I am experiencing? Round ligament pain shows up in full force now and again. When I tried to run on the trail with Lucy the other day, we ended up just going for a nice long and slow walk because round ligament pain kicked in as soon as I tried to run. When I am able to run, I have a new mental barrier to overcome! I constantly feel like I need to pee so bad when I run. It doesn't matter that I just made a pit stop in the bathroom and tried to squeeze out the tiniest bit of urine while also trying to keep Lucy from sneaking under the stall door and exploring the ladies room! As soon as I take those first "running" steps (let's be honest-- I am slower than slow these days) I feel like I need to pee again. I taped up my little belly with KT tape today before my run, and I'm not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but I didn't have any round ligament pain. Lucy and I were able to do a run-walk that was more running than walking!

My running partners!

The down side is that I know pit stops to the bathroom will be more frequent, and Lucy made it very clear today that she isn't going to cooperate in the bathroom stalls. On top of that, she did cut across in front of me to look at something that caught her eye, and though she doesn't do it often, I would hate to trip over her and get hurt, so it appears at least on days when I am going to be trying to really run and not just walking, I will need to stick to just one running partner in the near future. Sorry, Lucy Goose! I can't leave my other running partner at home yet, but if I could, then you'd be on the trail with me all the time because you might trip me up a little every now and then, but at least you don't push on my bladder the whole time!