Saturday, August 11, 2012

Quieting the White Noise

I know it's been a while since I have posted anything, but I have just started working now that we moved to PA. for those who don't know me personally, I am a teacher, but I have decided to leave full time teaching, so I am currently teaching K-12 remedial reading part time. I am very fortunate in that I only have to earn a supplementary income, which has sparked a decision for me to really focus on my health and fitness. I have never been an athletic type person even though I participated in various sports growing up and swam competitively for more than 10 years. If every person who knew me well wrote a list of adjectives to describe me, I can guarantee that none of them would contain words like athletic, fit, strong, or any of the other things that I would like for myself. And if you have read the Anything for 10: Background Story, then you know I basically started this journey because people told me I couldn't do it. I have come a long way, but I still have so far to go. I would really like to become that strong, fit, HEALTHY, athletic person that I know I can be.

Although I haven't been to the gym this whole week as I started my new job, I have been going to walk at the local high school track in the evenings after dinner. Each night brought different internal battles. Away from the white noise of the gym, my mind was able to tear me down and build me up. I was dragged down by the thought that I was so weak because all I was doing was pitifully walking laps when I have completed two half marathons! I should be able to run! I could, but the truth is that I just didn't make myself do it. And there is also the truth that brisk walking is also a good activity for me to engage in, even if my inner-self was telling me that I was a failure.

I decided during my walk last night to pick up the pace. I was provoked to start jogging after my first mile when Garth Brooks' "Callin Baton Rouge" came on my ipod. As  Garth belts, "Hello, Samantha dear, I hope you're feeling fine," who isn't filled with a surge of energy? Come on, people! I am not myself a country fan per say, but I was raised in a rural community, so it has a bit of a nostalgic spark for me. I started thinking about so many things as I ran. I thought about my Grandmother who is one of my favorite people in the whole world, and how she is dying from ALS, which is a terrible disease that robs its sufferers of the ability to walk, stand, move, and eventually the ability to breathe. I felt a sense of shame for all the times I have taken those simple, yet beautiful, life-sustaining actions for granted. I thought about how shameful it is to let that little voice inside tell me who I am or who I am going to be. I cannot let that voice, or the voices of nay-sayers define me.

I am on a mission. I have decided to make myself the person I want to be. I can't let anyone or anything stop me because I don't know how much time I have left to utilize the body I have been given, but when that time is up, I would like to know that I have truly given it everything I've got. I know that this is going to be a very difficult path, but I will take it a day at a time. I want to reach the point where those who know me will have words like healthy, fit, strong, and athletic at the tops of their lists. It is time for me to push.

Reader Response:
I would like to know what I can do to make my blog better suit your needs as readers. If you have any ideas of things you'd like to see more or less of on my blog, then leave a comment letting me know. I have a few things that I've thought about, but have not yet written about like, my favorite home workout DVDs, confessions from a blogger, guilty pleasure workout songs, and a few others. Let me know if you are particularly interested in reading any of these, and I will bump them to the top of the list. Let's get fit together!

6 comments:

  1. You can do it!!! And I'm with you, Michelle! Monday morning starts school meetings for me and the sense of refreshment that I get from a new school year usually sparks something inside of me...motivation to actually work out, eat right...focus on ME!!! So this is perfect timing! You are strong, healthy, fit, and athletic and I want to be too!!! Love from Missouri! <3

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    1. I know what you mean! I usually do my resolutions and whatnot when the starting of the new school year instead of the calendar year!

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  2. Well, I'd love some of those weight-lifting tips that can be done at home. There's no way I can afford/would go to the local gym. ;-) The guilty pleasure workout songs sound hilarious. Heck, I just like reading the blog...so please keep at it! :-)

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  3. I am so happy for you that you are taking this step in your life and WANTING to be committed to being healthy! I never thought you were unhealthy at all... but it is always SUCH a nice feeling when you feel good about YOURSELF, and I'm really proud of you for continuing on. And remember: no work out is too little... as long as you're doing something, you're doing more than you would be sitting at home, right? :)

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement! I know that this is a long road ahead of me, and I will need all the support I can get!

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