Peacemaking

I am supposed to be training for a 10k right now. I even posted a 10k training schedule on here, but my life is sort of in a state of flux right now. There are so many things that have been thrown at me from different sides lately, and I have not been able to pin down any semblance of a routine or schedule. I am the type of person who needs a routine or schedule to stick to an exercise plan. I need to at least know the general time of day that exercise will fit into my day, but I haven't been able to pin down a time, and with all that I have been doing lately, I haven't made enough effort to make it a priority. This has really put a damper on my mood and my training.

I caught a break today, so I took some time for me. I slept in, caught up on my Tivo, and went for a short run. It was a beautiful morning, yet I found myself doubting my abilities basically from the first step. I had already decided that I would just do a 1.5 mile loop right by my house, so I knew that I didn't have far to go at all, but I just still felt negative about the whole thing. As I ran, I thought about how I ran two half marathons because people told me I couldn't, but then there I was telling myself I couldn't run 1.5 miles.

As I have mentioned before, my grandma has recently lost the ability to walk. She has, for my entire life, been the pentacle of independence, courage, strength, and  grace. My grandma has lived her life with a strong yet graceful dignity that I admire, and I know that I should always utilize the abilities I have because I could lose them at any time. I do value my ability to walk, run, and be active, so I know that I should take full advantage of those things.

I also realized how thankful I should be about my life in general. I live in a beautiful state, in a wonderful country, with my amazing fiance, and I have family and friends who love me very much. I am so lucky to have all of those things on top of my physical capabilities that I should not take for granted. If I don't take care of myself, then I could lose those beautiful things and wonderful people as well. I need to be in good health not just for myself, but also for those people who are important to me.

Needless to say, the irritation and pessimism I felt in the first steps of my run were gone by the time I got home. It is amazing all the things God, nature, and introspection can show you on such a short run.